Well, the whole idea of injecting myself with a female hormone to lose weight did sound kind of dumb, 500 calories a day ... dumb, and eating as much as possible the first two days sounded really dumb because eating is what got me in trouble in the first place.
The whole program sounded so dumb I wasn’t real excited about telling anyone, just in case it really was a dumb thing to do. I imagined the female hormones causing all kinds of side effects, the least of which were mood swings, crying uncontrollably for no reason and anatomical changes. Then there are always the rumors Hcg hormone therapy causes cancer.
Sheryl Jaggers at Clinical Solutions Medically Managed Weight Loss Clinic assured me the only side effect was weight loss. I didn’t know Sheryl too well at the time. But I had great respect for her husband, Dr. John Jaggers. I also think his mother, Maureen, is wonderful. We go to the same hair salon where Racheal Brown gives me a manly haircut and does whatever it is she does to Mrs. Jaggers’ hair. Whatever it is — it usually stinks — which is another reason I was hesitant about injecting myself with a female hormone. But, Maureen and I learned how to operate our cellphones at the salon and sometimes, we even text each other.
In spite of any misgivings about the program, I had to do something about my health and began the program on Monday, April 4. I forced myself to eat as much as possible for the next two days. I ate ice cream, hamburgers, candy, nuts, loaded baked potatoes — all the normal things and more.
Then on the third day, I reduced my intake of food to 500 calories. I was a little bit hungry the first week, but the scales read about 15 pounds less in seven days and that strengthened my resolve. The weight loss slowed a bit the second week to about a pound a day.
By the end of 30 days, I had lost 30 pounds without exercising, however, I do mow the yard and other “manly” jobs around the house just to ward off any possible side effects of having a female hormone in my body. It’s a synthetic hormone, but still ... I’m a lot more comfortable ingesting all of my hormones through large orders of curly fries, double cheeseburgers and milkshakes.
There was one side effect that I didn’t expect. I started feeling cold, which is not a bad thing when it’s 95 degrees outside. But once the Hcg is out of my system, I’m assured my body will return to normal, which is a bad thing when it’s 95 degrees outside.
Other than that, weight loss using Hcg hormone therapy is pretty much the same as any other diet. There are peaks, valleys and plateaus, but they are of a much shorter duration than regular dieting.
There is no need to exercise, however, as mentioned, I do get out and mow the yard instead of hiring it done. I noticed walking up two flights of stairs in the Municipal Building without heavy breathing. I walked up the stairs and immediately called Carmen on the phone a month ago and she thought it was from some pervert making an obscene phone call.
There are other side effects and they’ve all been good. People started commenting about my appearance by the time I’d lost 20 pounds. That forced me to tell people about the program. At 30 pounds, more people noticed and began encouraging me to continue. It made me feel like I was really accomplishing something.
At 40 pounds, Tasha Stephens asked me who moved out of my pants.
As of June 13, I’d lost 50 pounds. My weight has dropped from 286 to 236.
County Commissioner Bill Rominger told me Wednesday to stop writing about being fat. “You’re not fat.”
Actually, I am still fat but I’m not obese. But, I weigh less now than I did in 2001 when I was last issued my retired military identification card.
So, in a sense, we can turn back the clock.