Stories of a World Gone Mad

Well, this column isn't amazing either

Commentary

Barry Currin
Posted 3/8/19

We sometimes tend to speak in extremities when we have no business doing so.It’s a habit many of us fall into. I think it’s something else we can blame on the younger generation.For a long time, …

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Stories of a World Gone Mad

Well, this column isn't amazing either

Commentary

Posted

We sometimes tend to speak in extremities when we have no business doing so.

It’s a habit many of us fall into. I think it’s something else we can blame on the younger generation.

For a long time, my favorite word to make fun of has been “awesome.” Although, I must admit that I misuse it myself.

The Grand Canyon and the Pacific Ocean are awesome.

The great pyramids are awesome.

The fact that Voyager 1 has been in space for 41 years and is currently 13.5 billion miles from earth is awesome.

Lasagna is not awesome.

Neither is Luke Bryan.

Neither is Netflix.

Well, we might could debate the Netflix thing, but that’s a story for another day.

Misusing awesome is nothing new. It started in the ‘80s.

“Amazing,” however, seems to be gaining ground on awesome lately.

One time, a barber tried to sell me some kind of shampoo that was going to combat my thinning hair.

“You will be amazed,” she said over and over again.

She repeated it so much, I bought some. How could I ever give up a shot at being amazed by my own head?

After a month, I was amazed at how badly I wanted that $19.95 back when — as you can imagine — my head still looked as un-amazing as it did before.

Something pretty close to amazing, however, happened to me today.

I have an automatic pool vacuum. The little robot that scurries all around the pool floor is attached to a power supply with a long cord the diameter of a garden hose. The power supply is about the size of a shoebox. It plugs into an outlet.

The directions said not to get the power supply wet.

I’ll give you three guesses as to what happened.

I gave it probably three months to dry out. In the beginning, I would test it three times a day. As the weeks wore on, I lost hope.

Today, I decided to throw it away and get a new one. But, I thought I’d give it one more chance.

It came on. And the robot is currently scurrying about underwater.

You may not find that to be amazing, but I think it’s pretty close.

We misuse words like “completely” and “entirely” all the time. I didn’t know it, but words like these are called absolute adverbs. Now you have a great conversation starter for your next party. You’re welcome.

We tend to call things “emergencies” when they’re really not.

I’ve mentioned before that I ran the lending department for a financial institution for about six years.

I had no idea all the situations people call emergencies.

Every day my phone would ring, and someone on the other end would be having one. I learned emergencies come in all shapes and sizes.

Once, this guy who used to drive me crazy called it an emergency when he didn’t have enough money to buy new bunk beds for his boys’ bedroom.

To all of you out there who have had a genuine furniture emergency, I apologize, but come on.

Currently, we are being told we are having a national emergency because the bor-der wall still hasn’t been built.

I’m not sure something that has been going on for decades can suddenly be called an emergency.

Maybe our lawmakers will work together to solve that problem.

Wouldn’t that be amazing? 

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(About the writer: Barry Currin is founder and president of White Oak Advertising and Public Relations, based in Cleveland. “Stories of a World Gone Mad” is published weekly. Email the writer at currin01@gmail.com.)


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