STORIES OF A WORLD GONE MAD

Lawn care sounds and anxiety they cause

BARRY CURRIN
Posted 8/10/18

I despise the sound leaf blowers make.To me, no sound in the universe is more annoying. Neither sirens nor barking dogs nor motorcycles can hold a candle to the auditory pain a leaf blower causes …

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STORIES OF A WORLD GONE MAD

Lawn care sounds and anxiety they cause

Posted

I despise the sound leaf blowers make.

To me, no sound in the universe is more annoying. Neither sirens nor barking dogs nor motorcycles can hold a candle to the auditory pain a leaf blower causes me.

If I am ever in charge of trying to get prisoners to talk, I will show up for my first day for work with a leaf blower.

It’s not just the racket — to use a word my grandmother would’ve used. I don’t understand why it takes so long for these professional yard crews to blow whatever it is they’ve got to blow where they’ve got to blow it.

We always have a half dozen of these crews in our neighborhood at any given time during mowing season.

I’ve complained about these guys before. They roll in here and park their 20-foot trailers in the middle of the road, jump out like they’re invading the beaches of Normandy and mow the yard in five minutes.

Then they each grab their droning leaf blowers and blow, and blow, and blow until dark.

I’m listening to it right now.

It’s been going on a half hour.

Of course, at the exact moment when I wrote that sentence, it stopped.

Then it started back again. I guess they ran out of gas and had to refuel.

Maybe they ran out of stuff to blow and had to wait for a leaf to fall.

It’s been going on so long, I am not sure whether it’s still going on or if I’m just hearing it in my head.

In my opinion, people spend too much time and effort on their lawns to begin with.

Lots of people have underground sprinkler systems, for instance.

I certainly don’t like it when I’m out for a stroll and they suddenly turn on. That rarely happens, but it does sometimes.

We’ve had about a foot of rain over the past month, but one night last week I saw a sprinkler system running full blast. Of course, a couple of nozzles were watering the road. That does irritate me.

I’ll bet you never could have guessed that.

It’s one thing to be lazy. It’s another to watch your sprinkler water the road and not adjust it.

The next day we were passing by the same house right in the middle of a deluge, and you guessed it — sprinklers going full blast.

Kim took pictures for proof.

We’ve had dry spells. And I don’t begrudge someone for wanting to water their lawn to keep it from dying. If I had spent money on my grass, I would feel the same way.

But I wouldn’t be saying, “Heck yeah, Mother Nature. We got this. You rain while I sprinkle.”

In the end, I guess it just boils down to priorities. 

I do the best I can with my yard with the push mower and the battery-powered leaf blower.

You feel free to hire a crew of ninja warriors to work on yours.

But for heaven’s sake — when it’s raining, turn off your sprinkler. We may need that water someday.

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(About the writer: Barry Currin is founder and president of White Oak Advertising and Public Relations, based in Cleveland. “Stories of a World Gone Mad” is published weekly. Email the writer at currin01@gmail.com.)

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