STORIES OF A WORLD GONE MAD

Celebrating another week of nuts in the news

BARRY CURRIN
Posted 7/12/19

Last week was America’s birthday, and she acted like a 21-year-old who had just polished off her first monster margarita.Yes, it was another week of crazy news tidbits.I’m sure you heard about …

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STORIES OF A WORLD GONE MAD

Celebrating another week of nuts in the news

Posted

Last week was America’s birthday, and she acted like a 21-year-old who had just polished off her first monster margarita.

Yes, it was another week of crazy news tidbits.

I’m sure you heard about the now-infamous ice cream licker — the girl at a Lufkin, Texas, Walmart who took a half gallon of Blue Bell Tin Roof ice cream out of the cooler, removed the lid, licked the ice cream, then put the top back on and put it back in the freezer.

All the while, one of her friends videoed it.

Then, naturally, it was shared on social media.

You’ve seen the video. You’ve seen how incredibly proud she was of herself. I think that’s why it is so infuriating.

Authorities originally said the perpetrator could spend 20 years in prison for such an act. 

In my book, that’s a little ridiculous, but not to some people. The comments I saw about the story were almost scary as people called for her to get the maximum sentence.

Can’t you just hear the shivs bouncing around on the floor as hardened criminals quivered and pleaded for their lives the day the ice cream licker was brought through the door of cell block H?

Hey, maybe she could team up with the woman at another Walmart in the Lone Star State who ate half a cake in the store, then only wanted to pay for half of it when she got to the register.

She claimed that’s the way she found the cake.

A Walmart spokesperson said, “This was a simple case of someone wanting to have their cake and eat it too — without paying. Like any grocery store, if customers consume food or drink in our store, like half a cake, they should pay for it.”

Walmart subsequently banned the woman from the store.

If she goes to jail, maybe she can team up with the ice cream Sally and control the prison confection trade.

Warning: you are about to read the worst segue ever.

Speaking of shivs, did you hear about the 13-year-old Tennessee boy who stabbed his brother?

The incident happened in Florida. A news report said, “As he was being ques-tioned about the incident, he said he understood his rights and that he didn’t regret stabbing his brother, who had been teasing him. Deputies say the boy told them, ‘I’d rather be in jail than eight hours in the car with him.’ ”

Talk about making memories on vacation.

While all these incidents are disturbing in their own right, they can’t hold a candle to the outrage by a — hopefully small — minority of people who are mad because Disney cast an African American girl as Ariel for the remake of “The Little Mermaid.”

The hashtag #notmyariel began trending on social media as soon as Disney made the announcement last week.

I was going to copy and paste a few to horrify you, but unsurprisingly, they almost all contain foul language.

Let’s just say lots of people think mermaids are white.

I fully realize that millions of us didn’t make the news last week by doing anything particularly dumb.

But the ones of us who did really did it up right.

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(About the writer: Barry Currin is founder and president of White Oak Advertising and Public Relations, based in Cleveland. “Stories of a World Gone Mad” is published weekly. Email the writer at currin01@gmail.com.)


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