All I (we) really do want for Christmas
by Saralyn Norkus
Dec 24, 2013 | 811 views | 0 0 comments | 39 39 recommendations | email to a friend | print
With Christmas only a day away I figured now is as good a time as any to take a moment and consider things that might be on various sports figures’ or teams’ Christmas wish lists.

Some of these may be a bit far-fetched and unrealistic, but for the most part I think a good deal of what I’ve come up with would be a great addition to any presents that might already be under the tree for them.

Since it is the season for giving, I now present you, without any further ado, “Saralyn’s sports gifting list.”

LeBron James: What more could a two-time NBA champion and four-time NBA MVPer possibly want? Well, I’ve thought long and hard about this and I’ve come up with a couple of perfect gifts to go under King James’ tree.

While both would be very hard to wrap, I can’t think of anything better to get the man who quite literally has everything.

First on the list is a non-receding hairline. Let’s take LeBron’s hair back to it’s younger days, perhaps circa 2003.

Next would be a one-on-one game with the true king of basketball, Mr. Michael Jordan, in his basketball prime. All right, maybe gift No. 2 would really be a gift for everyone.

Let’s get one thing straight: While I could care less about the NBA, I am one of those people who will always be on the side of No. 23 when it comes to who is the better player debate.

So let’s get this all sorted out once and for all. Michael Jordan (in his prime) and LeBron James — winner takes all.

The Tennessee Volunteers football team: Vols fans finally have a coach that folks can feel confident in, but the team is still a work in progress.

Topping the Vols’ Christmas list has to be a winning season and a trip to a bowl game.

Tennessee hasn’t crossed the .500 mark since 2009 when it went 7-6 under Lane Kiffin.

This year, the Vols watched helplessly as Vanderbilt made off like thieves in the night with their hopes and dreams of getting to bowl game in 2013.

Nick Saban: For the coach who has won three of the last for BCS titles I can think of only one thing to get him; a redo of Nov. 30. I think that would be the perfect gift for all of us Alabama fans as well.

If only he hadn’t fought to get that one second back, and had just let the game go into overtime. Perhaps things would’ve gone differently, perhaps they wouldn’t.

Now Saban is left with the dreaded “What if?” floating around his consciousness, and I’m pretty sure that the Tide faithful still haven’t recovered from such a devastating loss.

Texas: One thing that won’t be under your tree this year is Nick Saban. Sorry, that part of your Christmas list is getting ignored by Old Saint Nick.

Auburn: I don’t know what else Auburn could possibly want this year, they already beat Alabama in the Iron Bowl, after all. I’m sure that visions of a BCS title game are dancing in their dreams, but that’s not what I would have in their stockings.

For Auburn I would give a sense of decision-making when it comes to its mascot: Tigers or War Eagle, make up your darn minds! There are too many Tiger teams in the SEC, why not have cohesion between your battle cry and mascot?

Gary Bettman: For one of the most hated sports commissioners in history there is only one gift that seems fitting: a pink slip.

Pack your bags Bettman, no one wants you messing with the National Hockey League any more.

Three NHL lockouts, one which killed a full season, in your almost 11-year tenure is three too many. As the saying goes, three strikes and you’re out. And yes, I did just mix a baseball reference in with hockey.

Get to stepping, Bettman, and don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.

Dennis Rodman: For the “bad boy” of basketball there can be only one thing waiting for him under the tree; North Korean citizenship papers.

The self-proclaimed basketball ambassador sure thinks mighty highly of the reclusive, dictator-run country so I say hey, why not just let him stay there?

The North Koreans can consider it a “gift” as well.

The Detroit Lions and their fans: After being the butt of all sports jokes for the past, oh say 56 years, I know what every Detroit fan as well as the team would want under their tree: an undefeated season and an appearance in the Super Bowl.

We’ve seen a winless season and we’ve been forced to watch all the other NFL teams, save for three, punch their ticket to football’s biggest night of the year. I’d say that us Detroit fans have suffered long enough, wouldn’t you?

While we’re at it, let’s just throw in a new coach for Christmas as well, which seems the most realistic gift of all on this list after Sunday.

There you have it, my list is complete whether or not the subjects mentioned have been naughty or nice.

May this holiday season find you and your loved ones well. Enjoy the time with family and friends and never forget the real reason for the season!

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.